Gratitude

The sun is shining on my face, through the family room window. The leaves are turning a golden bronze. Gavin is watching football. The cats are snoozing in front of the fireplace. The boys are playing downstairs and all is well on a lazy Sunday afternoon. These are the days I really feel grateful. Down time is a time to stop moving; reflect on what we are grateful for. It’s nearly impossible to do this during the frenetic work week. Too many things steal our attention, and our bodies and minds feel stress and angst for the never-ending list of responsibilities. Why do we create such busy lives? If we stopped more often to think about what we are grateful for, we may not feel the need to

Insatiable appetite for learning and understanding

I’ve always found mundane tasks to be…well, mundane! I like to spend my time learning and participating in ‘meaningful’ endeavors.  I am a seeker of knowledge; I need to know ‘how’ and ‘why’. I like to research and get answers. I’m not a ‘just do it and don’t ask questions kind of gal.  I want to read, explore, experiment, experience and see other cultures and places.  I have a very busy life, like everyone else; lots of responsibilities, places to be, things to buy, meals to make, cats to take care of (3… crazy cat lady?), and the To Do List goes on and on…. I don’t know why I CRAVE learning about things so much. If I read about something or someone says something I’m not familiar with I MUST Google it or I’ll break out in hives. I MUST know WHY, HOW and everything in between! I believe I inherited this gene from my father who is also a freak; ur, um, a curious guy. Oh well. Some things we simply cannot change about ourselves. Unless there is a manual on how to re-wire the brain, I think I’m stuck with my habit of ‘needing to know.’ But, I embrace this as I embrace all the unique aspects of myself. The saying goes: “Ignorance is Bliss.” I tend to disagree. I think ignorance creates frustration and lack of open-mindedness for seeing things from a new perspective, or seeing other options in life. It can and does kill people. I know; I have seen ignorance kill. So, if you have an insatiable appetite to learn, grow and keep expanding your view of the world and yourself, pat yourself on the back and welcome to the club.

Are we who we pretend to be?

Isn’t it great that we can be whoever we want to be, and sadly we often have no clue who that is? We usually end up pretending to be someone we are not. Who is that pretend person? I’ve been asking myself this question for years. Often stating: “Would the REAL Shelley (Strain, Murphy, Craig) please stand up!” I wait; I listen. I hear nothing but crickets in the background.

Historically, I have been ‘who I thought others’ thought I should be. I have been the ‘nice, sweet, understanding, patient, Holly Hobby fresh gal that ‘clearly’ has her ‘sheet’ together. I have pursued the appropriate path of career and financial success starting with a 4 year college degree, followed by employment at notable companies such as Target and Macy’s, and held titles such as human resources manager, corporate trainer, life coach, and finally ran my own, successful real estate business earning a six-figure income. I have patiently waited for the feelings and thoughts of: I have ‘arrived’ and I have ‘succeeded’ by both the awards and recognition I have received; however, I have always felt like I was someone watching someone else from afar. I felt that something was missing, and I felt exhausted trying to pursue an image that didn’t feel authentic.

I’ve been pursuing the real Shelley for about 5 years now, and it’s been a frustrating, rewarding and eye-opening  experience. I have found some clues along the way; Sometimes I find a deep, quiet, intellectual, sensitive and reflective Shelley that desires to spend the day reading, researching, pondering and thinking while sipping a hot tea, petting the cat and gazing out the window, with no other humans present (introvert?). Other days, when the blood sugar and hormones have agreed to be friendly and do their biological jobs, I find an action-oriented Shelley that wants to get involved in social action groups, volunteer for non-profits, write blogs and change the world. Another Shelley sometimes wants to move to another country and explore another culture in order to escape the often shallow, surfacey, materialism of the U.S. There’s a granola, tree-hugger Shelley that wants to have no make-up or chemicals on my body (including deodorant) and eat only organic food and join other granola-tree-huggers at MeetUps and discuss the meaning of life. There is a Shelley that loves nice clothes, nice home decor and wants to create an environment of beauty and peace. Someone that wants to entertain and have family and friends over for good food and spirits, and enjoy good conversation.

So, which one is the real Shelley? Perhaps all of them. At the age of 44, I realize that  I have devalued my internal thoughts and feelings about who I really am, and FINALLY I am comfortable allowing whatever Shelley shows up for the day, to walk up on the stage and perform her authentic acts. No judging; no self-consciousness. Is it scary and awkward? Hell ya! Does it give me ambivalence on many days. Yep. BUT, the alternative to not being who I really am, my authentic self, is continual anxiety, melancholy, indifference, and living WAY too small. I’ll have none of that any more. No, I’m throwing my raw self out into the world with no attachments to the outcome. Aint no pretendin here no mo :-0

self-coaching…

What’s on your mind today? Here’s a little bit of what was on mine….

I got up and realized I had the day off; FREE to do as I pleeezed!! How divine.  Ah, but wait…I sensed a dark and evil ‘To Do’ list lurking around the corner. Sudden anxiety AND ambivalence. Do the right thing and crack away at the snarling list of To Do’s or delight in having the house to myself and: pet Chloe, read, relax and ‘Not do a darned thing?’ Hmmm… I simply wanted to go ly down and not have to think about it. I was paralyzed with ambivalence. I won’t have another day to myself until…. 2 Tuesdays from now! (heart palpitations begin…and guilt about NOT getting things done around the house if I chose that route. After all, I’m not the only one that lives here. I have to clean and have food for the other occupants). SELF-COACHING to the rescue! I quickly pored myself a cup of coffee and asked, “What would give me the most peace at this moment?” I answered, “Get my body moving and do 2 things on the list.” Well, that started me getting the sheets washed, tidying up the laundry room, etc. Once I was in motion, I was feeling better AND I even got to do a few ‘frivolous’ things, like starting this blog ;-0

How can you self-coach yourself today??